the only boy han will hold this way :)

my mr. softee :)

my boy signed a 'twist'. he rubbed the corny-ness off the other 2.

i would go to Mars for him. for what i don't know. but i will anyways.

journey VS product.

today i finally met up with char. roasted honey chicken by the pool side, on a windy saturday night, with a decade-long best friend.

it calms my heart, it calms all kinds of waves and storms whenever i meet up with these lao peng yous. and even when you are already feeling very calm to begin with, seeing them and being around them still is able to calm the calmness further. how's that to be explained? mmm. the embrace and comfort an old friend brings :)

tonight, we talked about the journey; the searching and the finding; the champagne and the water. and tonight, we rekindled once again the awesomeness of being able to be so comfortable around each other that silence becomes beautiful and connecting.

teoh lee neo taught me with her semi-sound and unsound mind that: love is a many splendid thing.

char, i love you.
amigos, i love you.

how love drives.

Richard Marx & Donna Lewis - At The Beginning

amazing what music can do to one's soul.

i am listening to this very light-hearted sounding piece of song now and it kinda makes me feel like i am bouncing from cloud to cloud. but am i most light hearted now? no.

therefore music was used as a propaganda tool. now i understand why.

i think i miss writing. i am someone better at expressions through writing. i can sound all good and smooth in my writings but when i try to do them out loud, i stutter and shiver like hell. and when i write, i write better in the dark. and according to my topic, i pick the song to be on loop until i finish the piece.

so.... i am emotions-driven. absolutely not task-driven. i am passion and interest orientated, nowhere near being task orientated.

maybe if i had to find something to depict me, it would be.. water. maybe a jug or puddle of water. plain as i may be left alone, useless as i may be left on the floor, i can be versatile and decide to take the shape of another container or angle when being asked to.

these are random thoughts. because tonight, i am feeling transparent.

nursing, and me.


Lenka - The Show

yang's enlisting.
the couple i've known for 3 year's breaking up.
yan's turning 21.
boy's training to be a national player.
wei's starting and ending her O's.
i've stopped smoking.
someone i know is drinking much lesser.
shin has gone off to study.
wens has gone off to renal unit.
christmas is coming. (i thought christmas last year was just a while ago?)
mum needs surgery.
nat bought a car.
my tattoo has finally healed fully.
someone i know was promoted.
someone i know may be crying very badly tonight.
someone i know is sleeping soundly tonight.
i will sleep soundly tonight.
i hope someone i know calls me when her heart breaks.
project HOPE.

every above statement represents a person or a thought i have in mind.

much has changed. much have been learnt.

dear shin,
if you remember, i have / had a friend called yuhui. and i lost her, and have been regretting losing her from the day i realised it happened. and to me, you're like a second yuhui. if you know how much yuhui meant to me, and how much i appreciate her, you'll know what i am trying to tell you. i remind myself all the time to never make the same mistake of losing someone like you again.
jiayou at school, we're all behind you. study together? sure thing :)


Aerosmith - I Don't Want To Miss A Thing
"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing,
Watch you smile while you are sleeping."

yan has a good friend, who along with the years has become a best friend.

she is an indon, did her tertiary studies in SG, will now head over to U.S, and then back to indon; just never back here again.

it sounded so familiar when she talked about that friend.

i have a best friend, whose been with me since 13. in fact she was the first proper friend i made back in sec 1. did i know we were going to become this inseparable? no. but this friendship has become one of the reasons why i need to thank god everyday; the beautiful things like such.

its been 5 years she's gone over. and i have been imagining on a weekly basis for the past year, sica appearing suddenly at the entrance of 9B, or me appearing suddenly at her doorstep. makes my heart beat faster just imaginating.

the one thing i/we have come to realise and accept, is how she may end up anywhere between indo to U.S, just never back here. and i asked just 2 days ago: how i would be able/have to live the rest of my life being apart from her.

This, is how we hang out with each other. And this will be it for maybe, the rest of our lives.

sometimes i close my eyes, and picture her hugs. sometimes, i close my eyes and allow myself to fall into that self made-up comfort zone. the last hug i remember, we were 16. that one hug i always close my eyes to, was when we were 14. and i miss her everyday.

the oceans in between, has only deepened everything we share.

please don't make me fly 48 hours just to see you once every 2 years when i reach 65. deep vein thrombosis sics. by then, we'll need to come up with a better alternative, like for eg. meet at the transits.

you have a biiiiiiiig heart. follow whatever's louder. :)

i love you deep deeeeeep.

char: hi han! i am having my lunch break now, but i'm calling to check on how you are.

han: i'm better today, but maybe from the bingeing yesterday i have lost appetite today plus diarrhea.

char: oh dear. when can you be released?

han: char, i am not in prison.

its been crazy. crazy yet.. really really warming.

the few things i've learnt and thought about alot lying in bed harvesting my potential bedsores:

1. 72 hours of rest and leisure is good, 72 hours of fasting no doubt with rest and leisure is very otherwise.
2. sometimes you see clearer in the dark; because when its deem, the torches shine brighter.
3. i will off the iv plug of my patients once i detect redness or pain in future.
4. blood is thick. thicker than water, yes.
5. and well anyways, i am walking out of here a better nurse.
6. the joy and warmth that fills the air when everyone you love are sitting around each other laughing their asses off at things.
7. and.. the comfort music and lyrics brings.

9B is my pseudo family, no matter how much some of it sucks :)

few things on my mind now.

howie day's collide;

and:

jack's place cheese cake
da mai from food court
bread pudding from fullerton
han's beef hor fun
banana cake; ka ling's home-baked banana muffins sitting by the bed
serangoon central mee pok
vitasoy
crispy noodle snack
peanut butter sandwich
cereal with fresh milk
DIGESTIVE BISCUITS thats been on my mind since last night
nature valley's nutrient bars thats also been on my mind since last night

i could chew on a carpet now.

Can i have this dance.

nat just sent me an email titled: "The boxes that you can eat after you finish the chocolates."

I
AM
OFFICIALLY
CRAVING
FOR
CHOCOLATES.

i was supposed to have club sandwich for breakfast,
kway chap for lunch,
and seafood horfun for dinner.

pui. :(

happy birthday dear girl :)

thank you :)

2 kings 2:2

i need to do this before i crash into bed to rest.

i randomly went onto youtube to search for some of our old amigos videos.

i found the kuantan ones, i found the batam one, i found the cairnhill rolling down the slope in town one, i found the crazy late night out chopping char's butt one.

i have been having this thing in my head for many many months now:
what would i be without you.
what would become of me without you.

and it keeps getting clearer and only clearer.

nat, you texted one of the most beautiful texts ever. you said that each year that pasts, you only just feel luckier because every year, you still have us.

it just keeps getting better. this will just keep getting better :)

and now before i get some rest,

my head is saying: music and lyrics.